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Ask the expert
Sometimes, you just need an answer to one or two wellness questions.
BeWell Coaches and program leaders possess a wealth of experience and knowledge in all facets of wellness. Have a question? Email us at bewell@stanford.edu.
Dear expert: After the stress and challenges of the past year and a half, I feel like I’m experiencing burnout. I find it more difficult to focus, my energy is waning, and I have an overall feeling of languishing. What should I do when experiencing burnout?
Dear burned-out: The division of work and home life has become less defined as many of us work from home since the pandemic. It has become more crucial that we set firmer boundaries to protect our time, advocate for our needs and prioritize self-care.
There is no one size fits all when managing work-life integration as no one person has exactly the same situation, however, it may be helpful to take inventory of your daily routine and consider some of these tips below to help manage work and home life:
- Continue to mirror your sleep schedule prior to the pandemic. Wake up and go to bed around the same time as before and keep it consistent.
- Put the time you used to spend commuting into your mind and body. For example, do a workout before work, go for a walk, get outside, connect with family and friends, meditate, stretch, read a good book. It’s easy to fill up that time with more work. Focus on giving yourself some of that time back.
- Don’t over commit yourself. Take inventory of what your current work duties and tasks are and practice saying “no” when you are overextending yourself.
- Practice advocating for yourself to your supervisor or leadership team if you need additional support for your work responsibilities.
- Set firm start and end times with the workday and stay consistent as much as possible.
- Practice time management when responding to emails. Carve out specific times during the day to read and respond to emails and prioritize the most urgent to avoid distraction.
- Carve out break times during the workday to get outside or simply get up from your computer and change locations. Set a reminder in your calendar to keep you accountable.
- Allow yourself to take a lunch break and take it away from your computer. A change of the physical environment can be helpful.
- Take a walk or stretch during meetings if you don’t have to use your video. Schedule walking meetings in lieu of zoom video calls, if possible.
- Take time for reflection if you are feeling some ups and downs. Challenge yourself to write down three positive things that happened each day.
- Face time/call friends or family every week. If you live near them, make time to connect.
- Practice being vulnerable without judgment. Share how you are doing with your loved ones and colleagues. We are all in this together, and it’s okay to lean on each other.
- Be kind and compassionate to yourself. This can be challenging for some. Perfection doesn’t have to be the ultimate goal. Focus on what is realistic and attainable and celebrate the small successes each day.
- Pick one small step towards making a change. Remember that even a small step in the right direction can make a big difference.
Despite all of the uncertainty over the last year and a half, what has become clear is that we are all resilient and capable of change: changing our habits, our routines, our perspectives and our mindset. As some of us return back to work in person, while some of us continue to work from home, I challenge you to reflect on how you will continue to show up for yourself every day and prioritize your own health and wellness.
— Claire Palomo, BeWell Coach and program coordinator for Coaching for Health Care Clinicians
Additional resources that may help with preventing and/or alleviating burnout:
Coaching for Health Care Clinicians: Restoring Professional Fulfillment
Dear expert: Before the pandemic, I enjoyed doing wellness activities with my team, like walks around campus, healthy potluck lunches, and relaxing water cooler talk. How can my team and I support each other’s wellness while we’re apart?
Dear getting-started: Kudos to you for recognizing the importance of supporting your team’s well-being! To stay in the know about ways to promote wellness in the (virtual) workplace, consider signing up to be a BeWell Champion, if you aren’t already. Champions have access to exclusive wellness content and trainings on supporting their team members’ well-being.
In the meantime, consider these tips:
- Have regular check-ins with your team members. If you have a supervisory role, schedule weekly or bi-weekly one-on-one meetings with each member of your team to see how they’re doing as people, not just how their work is going. All of us can make an effort to start each meeting with a sincere query as to how others are doing. Because so many of us are conditioned to answer “How are you?” with “Good,” role model an honest answer by honestly self-disclosing – with intent – how you are doing.
- Adjust your meetings. While Zoom provides a wonderful alternative to in-person gatherings, there can be too much of a good thing. Work with your supervisor and/or staff to switch some meetings from Zoom to phone, and some phone meetings to walking meetings. Consider making 25 and 50 minutes the default meeting durations, rather than 30 and 60 minutes, respectively. In Zoom meetings that are longer than 30 minutes, encourage attendees to turn off their camera for a couple minutes to stretch, walk in place and give their eyes a break.
- Ask your team members what their work-related pain points are, and how you can help. If you’re a manager, while it is not your responsibility to solve all of your team members’ problems, it is within your domain to help with issues around staffing, scheduling, workflow inefficiencies and interpersonal conflict with another colleague. If you aren’t sure how to solve a problem, talk with your supervisor or HR manager for guidance. If you aren’t a manager, consider asking your team where you can help out if they’re feeling overwhelmed or you can provide a listening ear if they need to vent.
- Role model self-care. The most effective way to support team members’ well-being is to model self-care. You can carve out break time during the workday, take (actual) vacation days, take time off from work when sick, and refrain from sending emails in the evenings and weekends. Actions speak louder than words: telling your team to take care of themselves while not doing it yourself shows that you don’t actually believe in the value of self-care. For self-care tips, check out or contribute to Cardinal at Work’s digital idea board on self-care.
- Consider bringing a Healthy Living class to your team. If you see that your team members are struggling with a wellness-related issue (e.g., burnout, stress management, resiliency), bring a Healthy Living class to your department. To foster sustainable change as a result of the class, have team members set a goal based on class content.
- Share this list of recorded webinars with your staff. Once a quarter, ask one employee to select a webinar and have the staff watch it together during your staff meeting. Allow time for discussion after watching.
- Encourage participation in BeWell programs and events. Share with your team when you’ve taken your SHALA, done your Advising appointment or completed a Berry. Let them know they have eight hours of Well Time to use during the year to participate in BeWell.
— Debbie Balfanz, academic research and program manager; BeWell Coach
Dear expert: With warmer weather upon us, how can I jumpstart my fitness routine, especially after a winter hiatus?
Dear getting-started: Jumping back into a workout routine can take a bit of motivation. Here are a few tips that can help you on your journey:
- Choose activities you enjoy. Physical activity has many physiological benefits, but it’s important that we enjoy the activity, especially starting after a hiatus. By choosing something you enjoy, you’re more likely to stick with it.
- Envision your ideal weekly workout routine. Then ask yourself what is realistic at this time. Start with this realistic scenario and work towards your ideal. You can consider:
- Time and day – What time of day works best to fit in physical activity? Are there certain days that work better than others?
- Location – What space will you be using? Outdoor? Indoor? Make sure the space is ready to use.
- Exercise – Have a plan of what activity you will be doing. For example, on Tuesday you can plan to do high-intensity interval training (HIIT), yoga on Thursday and a 20-minute interval walk on Saturday.
- Plan – Choose a day to look at your upcoming week and schedule time for physical activity on your calendar.
- Barriers – Acknowledge what may prevent you from working out, and come up with a plan to overcome these barriers.
- Motivation – Reminding yourself of why you’re engaging in physical activity, what it adds to your life, and how it makes you feel can help you overcome your barriers.
- Self-compassion – There is a lot going on in the world and your life that can affect how you feel. If you are not feeling well on a physical activity day, give yourself permission to take it easy and switch things up. It is important to honor your feelings and move your body in a way that will elevate your mood, and then return to your workout plan you once you are feeling better.
Good luck in starting your fitness routine! If you need extra support, Healthy Living offers Physical Activity Coaching for that extra layer of support and accountability.
— Cecille Tabernero Gutierrez, MS, NASM-CES, BeWell Coach and Wellness Profile manager
Dear expert: It’s been a year since the pandemic began, and I feel that I’ve been running on empty for quite some time. It’s been difficult juggling more responsibilities and not being able to de-stress in the ways I used to before the pandemic. I know there will be an end, but I feel like I hit the wall a long time ago. What can I do to lessen these feelings of weariness and other emotions associated with the pandemic that impact my well-being?
Dear out-of-gas: Please consider self-compassion throughout the day and especially before you go to sleep at night. We are all struggling to understand the changed world we live in and none of us have it figured out. We may all be in the same storm, but we are not in the same boat. I feel gratitude every day that my kids are fully grown, which leads to deep compassion for those who are trying to work while homeschooling or caring for young children or aging parents.
According to Kristen Neff, “Self-compassion involves acting the same way towards yourself when you are having a difficult time, fail or notice something you don’t like about yourself. Instead of just ignoring your pain with a “stiff upper lip” mentality, you stop to tell yourself “this is really difficult right now – how can I comfort and care for myself in this moment?” Self-compassion allows us to soothe our pain, acknowledge our suffering and express love to ourselves during difficult times.
Radical self-acceptance – treating yourself as you would a dear friend – is a journey you can start now. Talk to yourself kindly, eat unprocessed foods, go for a walk in nature and have a conversation about what you like about yourself or ways you might be willing to grow. I love the quote by Vironika Tugaleva, author of “The Art of Talking to Yourself”: “You’re already stuck with yourself for a lifetime. Why not improve this relationship?”
Your relationship with yourself is the constant in your life. You may change jobs, relationships or where you live, but you will always be there. Self-acceptance means accepting all aspects of yourself and understanding what you can change and what you can choose to love and accept. The serenity prayer comes to mind, especially these days:
“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”
During these difficult times, take inventory of what you can and can’t change (hint, you can only change yourself, not others), and focus on those things that are within your control. You will be giving yourself an enormous gift as you start to fully love and accept yourself.
Resources:
https://self-compassion.org
https://positivepsychology.com/how-to-practice-self-compassion/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serenity_Prayer
— Patty de Vries, BeWell program lead
Dear expert: I’ve always enjoyed a nice meal at a restaurant when celebrating Valentine’s Day. What are alternative ways to celebrate so that Valentine’s Day doesn’t feel like another ordinary day?
Dear Valentine: Throughout the pandemic, we’ve been practicing creativity and reimagining our celebrations. As we do the same with Valentine’s Day, it can help to first identify the meaning of that holiday for you and what you want out of it. You might want romance, the ability to share and receive tokens or words of love and appreciation, or you might just want to do something fun in good company. Below are some ideas for ways to celebrate Valentine’s Day, no matter if you spend the day alone or with family, friends, partners or pets!
- Sign up for a virtual class or event. Classes range from cooking, dancing, wine tasting, cocktail making and art. Events range from comedy sessions to musical performances. Many options are found at Outschool for kids and Eventbrite .
- Pack up or pick up some food and picnic anywhere, such as in your backyard, at a park or a destination like the beach.
- Cook a fancier-than-normal meal at home with members in your household. You can even do a double date with another household and share part or all of the experience through Zoom.
- Recreate the meal you had on your first date with your partner or any other memorable meal. Make or buy a Valentine’s Day treat for your pet.
- Bake Valentine’s Day treats and attach them to handwritten notes to deliver to your loved ones. For a non-bake option, you can try the recipe below.
CHOCOLATE CHERRY BITES
1 cup whole raw almonds
6 to 8 Medjool dates, pitted
½ cup dried unsweetened cherries
3 heaping tablespoons of semi-sweet chocolate chips
¼ cup raw cashews
- Process almonds in food processor until finely chopped. You don’t want the almonds to be as fine as flour. It’s fine to have some bigger pieces.
- Remove 1/3 of the almonds and set aside.
- Add dates to the almonds in the processor and process until finely chopped.
- Add cherries and process until ingredients combine.
- Add chocolate chips and cashews. Process until chopped.
- Add almonds back in and process slightly to mix ingredients together.
- Pour into medium-sized bowl.
- Roll into small balls (~1- 1 ½ tablespoons each). Optional: dust with cocoa powder for a truffle-like product!
— Rosalyne Tu, registered dietitian and BeWell Coach
Dear expert: After all the holiday eating plus the lack of exercise during the shelter-in-place orders, I’m ready to make changes to my diet. The challenge is that I love food too much and don’t have the discipline to stick to a diet. Is there a way to eat healthier that won’t leave me hungry or feeling deprived?
Dear food-lover: January tends to bring in an energy as we reflect upon what we want to be different in the new year. With this energy, it can be tempting to make big eating changes like drastically cutting back on calories; swearing off all sugars, carbs and animal products; or going fully in on the latest weight loss diet. If these types of approaches leave you hungry and deprived, they are not sustainable and may leave you more discouraged and less confident about your abilities to change your ways.
Fortunately, there are other approaches to try since one approach doesn’t fit all when it comes to eating. Ideas of various ways to work with your body and its natural desire to eat enough and eat enjoyable foods are below:
- Instead of focusing on what NOT to eat, focus on what you want to add in. Telling yourself you are not going to eat _____ all day takes much more willpower and restraint than telling yourself that you are going to incorporate more vegetables, beans, fruits, whole grains, etc.
- Think about ways to “round out” your eating. No matter if you are eating a frozen burrito, take out, or even just a yogurt, adding in items like fruit or cut-up veggies can boost the nutritional quality and satisfaction of that meal or snack.
- Focus on how you want to feel after eating. Tune into your body so that you eventually learn what combination of foods and amounts can get you there (or at least close). This takes practice and a quiet setting if this is a new behavior.
- Focus on structure with meals and meal planning. This ensures you eat regularly throughout the day so that you don’t end up grazing or finding yourself so hungry that you overeat. You can eat more in line with your values when plan ahead.
— Rosalyne Tu, registered dietitian and BeWell Coach
Dear expert: I always look forward to our family get-togethers during the holidays. I love being able to spend time with my loved ones and indulge in some delicious, home-cooked food. Even though we can’t get together this year, I would still like to connect with my loved ones in ways similar to our traditional holiday meals. Do you have any suggestions?
Dear all of us: Enjoying and sharing food with others is central to the holidays. It is a way we connect with our families, friends, co-workers, culture, religion, and our emotions and stories of the past. Even though we can’t have our typical holiday celebrations this year, we can still explore workarounds or new traditions to connect with each other over our favorite holiday food. Below are ideas on how we can still use food to experience connection and meaning during this holiday season.
- Will you be missing a favorite holiday dish? Ask for the recipe or see if that creator of that dish would be willing to do a virtual cooking lesson so that you could make it on your own.
- Create a recipe scrapbook that includes family recipes, stories and photos behind the recipes that can be passed on to others.
- Search the web for a recipe that sounds similar to a holiday dish you enjoy. Regardless of the result, you can celebrate the process and note ways to make it different next time.
- Order the same holiday meal or make a holiday beverage or dessert to enjoy virtually with friends or family. You can come together for select moments like the toast, pre-meal prayer, dessert or the entire eating experience.
- Know someone who could use a mood boost? Make or buy extra food and drop it off at their home.
— Rosalyne Tu, registered dietitian and BeWell Coach
Dear expert: With the upcoming flu season and the spread of COVID-19, I want to make sure my immune system is in top shape. What should I eat to boost my immunity?
Dear in-search-of-a-boost: The term “boost” is often used for nutrition supplements and considered more of a marketing term than a scientific one. In reality, our immune systems are quite complex and depend on more than just a single food or nutrient to work effectively. Focusing on healthy lifestyle behaviors (adequate sleep, moderate exercise, ability to cope with and embrace stress, and a minimally processed, balanced, and varied diet) is your best bet in supporting your immune system so that it can do its job well.
Foods like citrus, red peppers, broccoli, salmon, beans, nuts, whole grains, plant and animal proteins are examples of immune-supporting foods that provide nutrients like protein, iron, vitamins C and D, and zinc to support the regular growth and function of our immune cells. Food has other health protective components like antioxidants, prebiotics and probiotics to keep you well, which most supplements do not. Supplements can be recommended if nutrition deficiencies are suspected and should be discussed with your physician.
It is still too early to know the role of nutrition and nutrient supplementation in COVID-19 risk and severity. Hand washing, mask wearing and socially distancing as a community remain the most recommended ways to prevent the virus from spreading to us and our families.
— Rosalyne Tu, registered dietitian and BeWell Coach
Dear expert: While many are working on weight loss, I’m constantly struggling with keeping weight on. Do you have recommendations for ways to gain weight and keep it on?
Dear underweight friend: The main ingredients for healthy weight gain are (1) having regular meals and snacks — five or so eating occasions distributed evenly throughout the day; (2) strength training; (3) consistency; (4) and patience. When we skip or delay meals, we do not always make up for the under-eating that has occurred. Plus, eating regularly throughout the day helps to preserve our existing muscle mass. Strength training 3-4x times a week to the point of muscle fatigue will stimulate the body to “grow” muscle. You may find that your appetite naturally increases to meet the needs of your “growing” muscles.
If you have a BMI<18.5, and are not able to gain weight, weight-bearing or muscle-strengthening exercises, 3-4x a week, can help counteract the increased risk of bone disease — which is one of the main health concerns with a low BMI. Try exercises such as walking, hiking, yoga, pushups, and movements involving weights or resistance bands.
Our genetics and age also play roles in our body shape and weight. Two non-related people can gain vastly different amounts of weight when fed the same amount of calories. To at least a certain extent, we need to accept what we have control over and what we don’t.
— Rosalyne Tu, registered dietitian and BeWell Coach
Dear expert: Since these days we’re home so much, feeding our kids so many meals and snacks, I’ve started to feel more stressed than usual … especially since my children are picky eaters. What can I do?”
Dear stressed-out parent: Give yourself permission to lighten your load. Figure out how many meals a week you can provide based on your interest and energy levels and plan for already prepared fresh or frozen meals on the other days.
You can also lighten your load by changing your expectations about feeding. From a whole-child perspective, it is most important to sit down and enjoy eating with your kids. As a parent, you are responsible for structure: the What, When, and Where to feed your kids. Your kids are responsible for Whether or Not and How Much to eat. Meal-time battles and stress often come from the parents taking on the kids’ responsibilities. Pressuring kids to eat certain foods or amounts is counterproductive and has been shown to decrease their interest in eating those foods in the long run. See this resource for more information on childhood feeding.
— Rosalyne Tu, registered dietitian and BeWell Coach
Dear expert: “I’m finding myself constantly craving sugar during shelter in place. What can I do to stop wanting and eating sugar?”
Dear sugar-craver: “Pause and ask yourself, ‘What am I needing right now?’ Enjoying food is an option; sugary foods can provide us temporary comfort when we are stressed, bored, feeling overwhelmed, or lonely. But, it may not be the only or the most effective option.”
Sugar cravings can be physiologic and happen when our bodies are asking for more food or more of a certain type of food. Fasting for too long, eliminating carbs, exercising intensely or for long periods of time all can result in a physiologic craving for something sweet and calorie-dense. Having balanced meals and snacks that combine 2-4 food groups, and eating every 3-5 hours (or when the body starts to signal hunger) can help to keep you satisfied so cravings don’t surface.
— Rosalyne Tu, registered dietitian and BeWell Coach